I’m sure by now you have seen the abomination of a Club Newbirth video. The height of the abomination was when the “rabbi” (my apologies to the authentic rabbis out there) wrapped Fast Eddie in the Torah. Some have said it would have been more appropriate to use Charmin, but that borders on a personal attack. And we here at Pulpit Pimps dot Org frown upon personal attacks. Generally.
At first, I was going to rail against Fast Eddie, Rabbi Moronowitz, and the Elders of the Club Newbirth. But then I thought about it. And being a TV and movie fan, I couldn’t help but think about it in terms of movies.
The whole thing was eerily reminiscent of a scene from “The Ten Commandments” with Charlton Heston and Edward G. Robinson (“Yeah, where’s your God now Moses?”). I’m sure you religious people out there saw the movie because I keep hearing you quote the movie instead of the Bible. And ABC shows it every Easter Weekend. Well, here is a case of life imitating art.
When you get right down to it, this sorry affair isn’t about Fast Eddie, the rabbi, or the elders. It’s about the congregation. At best, Rabbi Moronowitz is playing the part of Edward G. Robison in the movie. Fast Eddie is the dumb ox (Hey! He’s the one who wears the muscle shirts all the time).
Again, this isn’t about Fast Eddie. If you watch the Newbirth video, the congregation is almost foaming at the mouth when the rabbi presents Fast Eddie to them. They were dancing around like the Israelites in the movie. The elders were even carrying Fast Eddie on their shoulders (Around 3:43 in the movie clip). They’re not as svelte as the extras in the movie, but they are just as deceived.
And of course the results of following after the false god is shown in this clip.
Why do I rail against the pimps? To warn you about their dangers. They don’t preach the truth. If you sit under them long enough, you will not be able to recognize the truth if it bit you on the butt. Worse than that, you will not be able to recognize error if it kicked you in the…uh…‘nads.
If you are willing to sit under such error, it is actually a possible indicator of your spiritual condition. Asking the question “Are you even saved?” becomes a completely valid action. After all, the Bible pretty well points out that the saved, God’s sheep, will not be deceived. (Matthew 24;24; John 10:26 – 29) They will not listen to a false prophet speaking lies against God. In case you are not familiar with the John text, I’ll quote it right here for you:
26 but you do not believe because you are not among my sheep. 27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. 28 I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.
Did you get that? We follow Jesus, not some doofus who lets himself be appointed as king.
But let’s give the members of Club Newbirth the benefit of the doubt. Let’s assume they were surprised by Rabbi Moronowitz and got caught up in the moment. You know, a bunch of old guys who are borderline senile, some young people who just didn’t think the whole thing through before they responded, and some women who just love Fast Eddie because of his intrinsic beefcake value.
It’s been a couple of weeks now. Let’s see if the people at Club Newbirth back away from the idolatry they participated in a couple of Sundays ago. Let’s see if the bleeding continues with the membership numbers. Or let’s see if the people who stayed behind are so blind to the truth of the Gospel that they follow this man right into the jaws of hell.