Okay, I’ve decided to up my game yet again. I got the P.I.M.P Temple going, but now I’m trying to get more men into the building. I instituted the dance ministry with “Boom Boom “ Parker, the former exotic dancer, years ago. On Sundays when she’s ministering, male attendance goes through the roof. And all the wives show up too. And offerings? They are huge! A couple of times, I was able to replace my Bentley with a newer one, paying in cash using the offering from one Sunday service. All I have to do now is figure out how to keep the guys attending on the other Sundays and throughout the week.
Someone suggested I preach sermons that challenge them to be strong, aggressive Christian men. You know, men who know who they are in Christ; men who are willing to take the challenge of giving themselves for their wives (Ephesians 5:25, 26), who know what they believe and are eager to teach it to their children, who are out in society making a rational and thoughtful stand for Jesus Christ no matter the cost; who are able to engage the culture, presenting a reason for the hope that lies within.
On the other hand, a couple of my close buddies suggested I fill my sermons with easy to remember phrases and soporific sayings. You know the form. I start a sentence by saying “God is good…” and get them trained to finish it with “…all the time.” Or “When the praises go up…” they respond “…the blessing come down.” It keeps them from thinking about the results of sin in the world, God’s sovereignty, or the purpose of suffering in the Christian’s life.
I’m kind of going with the second option. If I do that, the men feel like they’re participating. And they stay stupid. If they stay stupid, the wives won’t feel intimidated by men who actually want to lead their families in stuff like devotion, bible study, disciplining the children, and who expect their wives to look to them for godly, spirit-filled leadership. Right now, the wives look to me, and that means a good collection each and every Sunday – and sometimes for Wednesday night Bible Study.
If I go the other way, and actually take them through Scripture, several things happen. First – I have to actually read the Bible and see what it says. And who has time for that? If I teach them what Scripture actually says, I wouldn’t be able to do and say the things I do and say. I’d probably have to get rid of the dance ministry, or at least cut Boom Boom from the payroll. I’d have to stop insisting that they tithe and give me a love offering. And then I wouldn’t be able to dress in nice clothes, drive a neat car or stay in a house that not only is in a gated community but has its own gate and fence as well.
Yeah. The more I think about it, the better the second option sounds. I’ve been in It for the money for the last six years. There’s really no reason to change now. Besides, I have bills to pay.