Archive for August, 2015

Tongues and Interpretation of Tongue ala Cashflow Dollar

August 30, 2015

  
 You know I can speak in tongues, right? And I can interpret tongues as well.  
 Unfortunately, I can only speak and interpret one language: Pulpit-pimp, the unofficial language spoken by those men and women who stand behind the pulpit Sunday after Sunday, telling you that if you give them your hard earned dollars, God will bless you with riches unimagined.  

 As you know, recently, Creflo Dollar (aka Cashflow Dollar) let the world know he wants a brand new jet. But not just any jet. He wants a G650, the top of the line, I would sell my grandmama to get it, business jet. And he wanted to get it paid from through a group funding website. After the firestorm of outrage, he retracted to request and waited for things to quiet down.

Later, the World Changers came out with a statement letting the world know that they are still going to get the jet, the G650 that is now going for almost $70 million.

To show you how my gift of interpretation of tongues works, I’m going to interpret what World Changers said in in their native pulpit-pimp into English.

The board came out with a statement addressing the intent to purchase the jet. They said, in P-P tongues:

“It is our belief that this ministry is called to serve people globally — to literally change the world according to the Great Commission — and our infrastructure and operational plan reflect the worldwide nature of that assignment. Our pastors share the gospel of Jesus more than 300 times per year — in churches, arenas, venues, convention centers, stadiums and other facilities across the entire planet — and are committed to aggressive travel schedules that cannot be fulfilled via any means other than private aircraft,”

Here is the interpretation of tongues:

“We do a whole lot of traveling to make sure the suckers that follow us are always willing to give us more money. Our plan to work this scam requires we be able to travel all over the world…a lot. Going through commercial airlines just takes too long and would keep us from getting from cash cow to cash cow as quickly as we want to.”

Then the “board” goes on to say:

“A long-range, high-speed, intercontinental jet aircraft is a tool that is necessary in order to fulfill the mission of the ministry. In light of an unfortunate accident that recently resulted in the ministry’s aircraft being declared a total loss, it is our intention to purchase another airplane at a time, place and price of our choosing,”

Interpretation:

“Bite me.”

Then they said:

“We plan to acquire a Gulfstream G650 because it is the best, and it is a reflection of the level of excellence at which this organization chooses to operate. We, the World Changers family, so value the lives, the safety and the well-being of our pastors and leaders that we wish to provide to them the best air travel experience possible,”

Interpretation:

“We’ve convinced people that flash and bling are evidence of God’d blessing. There ain’t nothing blingier than a G650. So get out of our faces before we sick our mindless followers on you.”

Finally, World Changers said the following:

“We understand that others may interpret biblical truths differently — the freedom to worship as one chooses is a fundamental hallmark of a free society — but we wish to assert our God-given right to practice what we believe. This is our faith, the very basis for what we believe, and it is not necessary that we justify it.”

Which of course translates to:

“We know the sheeple who follow us are too stupid to see how grossly we twist the Scriptures to our own benefit. So shut up already, because the more we talk about it, the more likely it becomes that some of the Creflo Captives (or as we call them “the Craptives) might actually start thinking. Then we would be totally screwed. And Pastor wouldn’t have an airplane.”

Please! Don’t bother to thank me. It was a pleasure to be able to help you through the use of my gift of interpretation of tongues. I just wish I had more of an opportunity to help the Body of Christ in this manner.

Be a Liberal, Wallow in Inconsistency

August 29, 2015

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I love liberals. They are so entertaining. At least, they’re entertaining when they are not in charge. When they are in charge, they do nothing but destroy and show their incredible inconsistencies. Let’s consider just a few of those inconsistencies.

After the killing of several church goers in South Carolina, Liberals began a crusade to get rid of all Confederacy-related monuments, building names, and other stuff.

An actress out of California is pushing to have J.E.B. Stuart High School, is trying to get the name of the school changed. After all, J.E.B. Stuart was a general for the Confederate army. And we all know the confederacy was all about racism.

A confederate monument in front of some courthouse has been covered up (God forbid our children should see the man with a Confederate flag) until the city can figure out what they can do to get that shameful image removed.

And ostensibly, all of this is being done so the darker members of society (aka Negroes) won’t have their sensibilities offended.

But if we are going to do these things, why stop there? There are a whole host of monuments, street names, and building names the Liberals should be upset about. At least they should be if they were to be consistent, a quality not closely associated with Liberalism.

If the Liberals were consistent they would want to erase the presence of Woodrow Wilson, Theodore Roosevelt, Margaret Sanger, and even W.E.B Dubois.

Pull up a chair and let me tell you why.

You’re all familiar with Woody Wilson, right? He was a progressive; what we now call Liberals.

President Wilson was an interesting fellow. You could say, without being the least bit hyperbolic or incendiary, that he was a racist. Why would I say that?

Have you ever heard of a movie entitled “Birth of a Nation”? Produced by D. W. Griffith and debuted back in 1913. It extolled the South, the Confederacy, and the Southern enmity toward Blacks. It did a great deal to actually incite some of the dumber Southern types to do violence against Blacks. It represented Blacks as a bunch of chicken chompin’, White woman chasing, bunch of animals.

Guess who thought the movie was a work of art? Wait! Wait! Guess who held a viewing in the Whitehouse (I hope that wasn’t too big a clue)? And guess who had D.W. over as a result of the movie?

Yep. Woodrow Wilson.

He thought the Klan was right on target. He thought Blacks (Federal employees) should be separate from the whites federal employees. He re-segregated Federal services insisting that Blacks would be much better off if they weren’t around Whites.

Woodrow Wilson was hostile to Blacks. He was a racist. He promoted the Klan. He promoted a movie that was incredibly hostile to Blacks. He re-segregated the Federal service.

Yet, we have a major street in Alexandria Virginia named after him: Wilson Blvd. The Wilson Bridge is a structure that connects Washington DC and Maryland.

Some folks were talking about removing the bodies of a confederate general and his wife. Yet no one is calling for the removal of Wilson’s body from the National Cathedral.

But it gets a little better. When Wilson was president and re-segregated the Federal Service, moving Black in the Departments into separate buildings, guess who signed the order? Yes, it was Theodore Roosevelt himself.

Guess who maintained the separation of men in the military? Yep. FDR.

If the Libs are going to be consistent, shouldn’t they rename the Roosevelt Bridge? And shouldn’t they get rid of the monument he got just a few years ago? Wouldn’t the Libs want to do that?

Do you think someone who views your race as weeds in a garden is friend of your race? I certainly wouldn’t.

I’d be frightened of someone who wanted to use rather drastic measures to get rid of Blacks before they have a chance to be born. And yet Margaret Sanger is viewed as one of the patron saints of Feminists and Liberals in general.

She was very much in favor of using abortion to get rid of Blacks and other people of color. She was the creator of Planned Parenthood, an organization that has killed multiple millions of Black babies, something every Klan member would have given his eye-tooth to accomplish.

So why are we trying to put this woman’s image on the five dollar bill?

And Dubois? He thought what the Nazis were doing was just fine. Just fine.

But again, Liberals are not consistent. Or perhaps, just perhaps, they know you don’t pay enough attention to see that they are not consistent.

They even provide you with “pastors” who help you not see the realities of Liberalism. Jesse (Having My Baby) Jackson has practically pledged his soul to Planned Parenthood. Ditto for Al (Don’t Mention Tawana Brawley) Sharpton.

These men, and men like them are pimps who want nothing more than to make money off of you. If they can get extra money by being a shill for the Liberals, hey, they’ll do that too.

Get off the plantation. Think for yourselves. If you profess to be a Christian, then make decisions like a Christian.  Don’t listen to those pulpit pimps who are more interested in getting your money than teaching you a Christian world view.