Archive for the ‘Creflo’ Category

Get Your Book – Get Your Breakthrough: Pulpit Pimping for Dummies

November 9, 2016

 (Thanks to realchristianity.wordpress.com for making this available again.  My original is still locked up on my old server.   And I decided to put it at the top of the queue one more time.)

Take your ministry to the next level. Walk in divine prosperity. Get the break through you keep promising the sheeple. Drive the best cars, live in the biggest house, fly the best planes and patronize the best restaurants.

The Dummies guide tells you how to convince people to give you more money than they can afford to give you. But not only that, it teaches you how to make those people think you are doing them a favor by taking the money. We give you the secrets for convincing people to pay you their tithes BEFORE they pay their rent or electric bill. Do you want to make people financially dependent on you? We’ll tell you how.

You want to be worshiped as if you are the Christ? The Dummies guide teaches you how to walk, talk, and threaten so that even the most stubborn (though stupid) sheeple will be willing to quote you rather than the Bible.

Are there people in your congregation who regularly disagree with you and base that disagreement on an accurate understanding of Scripture? The Dummies guide gives you foolproof instructions on how get them out of your congregation and how to make the sheeple believe they are being obedient to God when they turn their backs on the rebel.

Once you begin to read the book and practice the techniques it promotes, you should see an almost immediate increase in your income. Tip toeing around you should increase by at least twenty percent – from the first week of practicing what the book preaches.

How do you intimidate without appearing to be doing so? It’s in there.

How do you get the congregation to buy you a house bigger than the apartment buildings most of your congregants live in? It’s in there.

Maybe you want to be the top earner in your state? Just like the rest of the stuff you want to do – it’s in there.

“Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” provides you all the information and all the guidance you need to apply the information to get to where you want to be, to get what you want out of life, to rake in as much money, cars, and other stuff as you want.

There’s even a special Scumbag section that has tons of information on how the best of the scumbags get away with sexual harassment and abuse, spanking, raping, incest and just plain fooling around with some of the Gospel groupies. We tell you how to intimidate folks to keep silent, what Scriptures to use to keep the sheeple thinking they should feel bad about doubting whatever you tell them, and how to make sure you are repeating “touch not God’s anointed” often enough to be effective but not often enough to lessen the impact.

What are the five characteristics of a worship leader that will make sure your offering always grows? They’re in there.

How do you pick the right men as deacons or elders to make sure you can take the church in whatever direction you want? Yep. It’s in there.

Want to know how to talk your way around the clear teaching against co-pastors, female pastors, and bishops, or female elders? You guessed it. It’s in there.

If you order “Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” today, you will be on your way to becoming the top dog in your community. And before too long, you’ll be reaching Big Dogdom in your county and state. With a consistent application of the material, you could even end up on TBN and other venues for increasing your fame and ability to rake in money.

Here are some unsolicited testimonies from folks who have followed the advice in my book:

“I was having trouble getting the congregation to just buy me a new suit. But once I started following the advice of “P-P for Dummies” they not only buy me suits now, they even buy me cars. I had to build a new garage to handle all the overflow.” – Bishop Gary Hawkins

“I thought Pastor Melvin was crazy the first time I read his book. But after growing the church from eight people who wanted to follow Christ to 5,600 people willing to follow me any where, and give me anything, I recommend the book. Sure Melvin’s crazy – crazy like a fox.” – Bishop Eddie Long

“I went from a traditional Baptist church with two hundred families housed in a dinky little building in the center of Glenarden Maryland, to more than 7,000 members housed in mega church structure costing more than $55 million dollars. And I convinced everyone to build it in the middle of nowhere. Thanks “P-P for Dummies!” John K. Jenkins

“It’s hard to believe that people can be manipulated so easily. The stuff Melvin shared in the book works on television and over the internet just as well as it does in a church building. I would never have been able to get that second jet, the Citation, without his advice.” Ken Copeland

“Melvin helped me to understand that it doesn’t matter what you preach, whether you deny the diety of Jesus or the effectiveness of His death on the cross. He showed me how to get a really great business jet, residences in several cities, including New York City, and a load of cash like you wouldn’t believe. If you want to be the best Pulpit Pimp you can be, buy Melvin’s book. It will pay for itself by the next time you take up an offering using his advice.” Creflo Dollar

These are just some of the testimonies people have written in, proving that “Pulpit Pimping for Dummies” is a valuable tool for you to add to your preaching toolbox. With the added income practically guaranteed, you’ll be able to buy all those other books (commentaries, bible dictionaries and crap) so you can impress the one or two kind of smart sheeple you occasionally allow into your house.

Order it now. Get your break through. Be the best pimp you can be with no more effort than it takes to go out to dinner – at the best restaurants of course.

Evil or Eviler

September 11, 2012

 

Yes, I know.  The general argument is that the first person to call the other guy a Nazi loses the argument.  Fortunately, I’m not calling Cashflow Dollar a Nazi.  I am, however, insisting that the Pulpit Pimps are evil; some “more” evil than others.  I don’t believe they are deceived any more than Hitler, Goering,  or Himmler were deceived. 

The Nazis ordered millions of people, civilians, to their deaths.  They knew perfectly well that they were ordering and facilitating the murder of millions of people.  And they ignited a world war that killed multiple millions of people and reduced Germany to rubble.  Here’s a video of Creflo Dollar, one of my favorite pimps.  “Favorite” being a relative term.

Listen to what Creflo and his fellow purveyor of religious porn (and it is as much and as shameful a distortion of Christianity as pornography is of sex) say about tithing.

Creflo starts off saying our salvation is in the blood of Jesus, and that it’s a good thing our salvation is in the blood of Jesus (0:02).

But he then goes on to say:

Getting rid of the non-tithing members lets God come to church.  Then you can have church and have the anointing.  (1:06) 

If you tithe, it’s impossible for you to go to hell.  You’re in the presence of God when you tithe. (1:52)

Tithing is the agreement. (2:10)  Huh?  What in the world does he mean by that?  He goes on to explain that the tithe is the covenant (2:17)

It’s your covenant connection.  (2:20)  Are you perhaps noticing that so far, Jesus Christ seems to be missing big time from this whole thing?  Apparently he supplies the blood and then backs out of the whole thing.

All the promises that God has given us are blocked unless we tithe. (2:26)  The only way you are going to get healed is through the tithe (2:34)

The rest of the video is mostly Leroy, his grammar challenged partner in heresy going on about prosperity.

This man is evil, but not because he is murdering people.  He is evil because he is so grossly misleading people.  Granted he’s using their greed and willful ignorance of what the Bible actually says, but like Judas (who only did what God decreed he would do) he is anathema (accursed in the worst possible way).  He is leading millions of men and women straight into hell with this and other perversions of the Gospel. 

Don’t forget, this is one of the Word of Faith men who claim that Jesus is the first born again man.  He teaches that Jesus suffered in hell for three days in order to win our salvation.  He claims that Jesus became God but he wasn’t God to begin with.

Who is the more evil?  The man who destroyed millions of bodies or the man who is even now in the process of destroying millions of souls with his perversion of the Gospel?

Tell everyone you can about the evil of this man.  Tell them about the evil of Kenneth Copeland and The Apostle Fred Price.  And tell them about the men and women who model themselves after these heretics and others.   

Stay away from these men.  Stay away from the men and women who model themselves after these men.  They preach another gospel and are to be avoided. 

Okay, Hitler isn’t anathema.  He’s just dead.  But if he had been presenting Nazi philosophy as being the Gospel of Jesus Christ, he WOULD have been anathema. 

But I want you to listen to it, closely.  He says some very disturbing things in it.

Why Do I Call Them Pulpit Pimps?

May 23, 2012

Some words are by nature ugly words.  Rape has no good connotations.  Neither do “murder”, “incest” or “bestiality.”  Another word of the same nature is “pimp.”  It’s an ugly word that speaks of abuse, sexual destruction, and a complete denial of human dignity.  It represents the complete distortion of sex, that great gift of God to man and turns that gift into a tawdry activity that should best be hidden in the night.

So, why do I refer to the supposed men (and women) of God who grace the pages of this website as Pulpit Pimps?  And of course the follow-on question is:  should I make my complaints against these men and women public?  Or is that some how against the teachings of scripture?  You know, the usual knee-jerk reaction of “Touch not God’s anointed” or “Don’t put your mouth on the man of God.” Am Ibeing judgmental to rail against them? Am Ibeing disobedient if I post information about them?

First things first:  Why do I call them pimps?

Consider the definition and tactics of a pimp.  A pimp is a man who lives off of the efforts of others, almost always women.  And he does this through the use of a specific tool-set.  An article on a site maintained by Prostitution Research and Education (PRE) does a good job of describing that tool-set.  Here’s a paragraph from the site:

An examination of the power dynamics between pimp and prostitute clearly illustrates how the tactics of power and control used to recruit and keep a woman trapped in prostitution closely parallels those used by batterers to ensure the compliance of their wives or intimate partners. The batterer uses tactics of power and control to dominate his partner within the context of an intimate relationship. The pimp uses similar strategies to exploit the prostitute economically. These tactics include isolation of the woman; minimization and denial of her abuse; the exertion of male privilege; threats and intimidation; and emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. 

Several things stand out in the paragraph:

  1. Isolation of the women (or men, for that matter) – The pulpit pimps pretty much separates the person from any other non-pimping source.  They tell the congregant that he or she is God’s mouthpiece, that you should listen to them and only them.
  2. They exert a privilege.  But instead of a male privilege, it’s the privilege of the “anointed”.  The oft abused and twisted phrase “touch not God’s anointed” is regularly applied to them and by them with the implied threat of spiritual destruction if you dare to disagree with them.  You’re seen as one who is against the very program of God if you disagree.  And you are in danger of hell fire if you dare speak out against the doctrines and practices of the “anointed” men and women (or as I prefer to call them “pimps and pimpettes”).
  3. The pulpit pimp consistently appeals to the congregant’s fear and desire for security.  Their favorite phrase?  Bless the man of God and God will bless you.
  4. Pulpit pimps play down their scriptural and spiritual abuse of the congregants.  When I approached one to warn him that he is teaching error as if it was actually contained in Scripture, he pointed out that the congregants could read the Bible on their own, knowing full well they were not going to check on what he said.  When I pressed him to turn from the teaching, he said it’s just a matter of us interpreting Scripture differently.  And of course, he had been ministering for 25 years.

I told you about a fellow who attends First Baptist Church of Glenarden on the Kettering (FBCBotK) pastored by John Kenneth Jenkins Sr.  Not only did he and his wife fall prey to the “ministry” at FBCGotK, he has also fallen prey to a second pimp who calls himself a prophet.  His wife, hoping to become a licensed minister left FBCGotK and became a part of the second church.  And she tithes there.

Despite my friend’s efforts to get his wife to leave the prophet’s church and re-join him at FBCGotK, the “prophet” has refused to counsel my friend’s wife to leave.  And I don’t blame him.  The woman represents free money.  All he has to do is stand at the pulpit and make religious sounding noises.  The people at the church then give him lots and lots of money.  They’ll probably even wash his car and clean his house if he promises to make them armor bearers.

Of course, if they refuse to give him their hard-earned money, he threatens them.  You know the threat:  If you don’t tithe, you are robbing God.  If you rob God, the devourer will come and take away all you have.  You just got a flat tire?  It’s because you are robbing God.  Got an unexpected bill?  You shouldn’t rob God.  You should give to the church so the pastor can accomplish his vision – a bigger church building with more people and more money coming in.

Unlike the street pimp, the relation between the Pulpit Pimp and the congregant doesn’t include sex or physical abuse.  But I would be lying to you if I said it never happened.  Ask some of the folks from the Church of God in Christ (COGIC) what they think of some of their pastors and bishops, a couple of phrases I apply to their leaders with some liberality.

But, you ask, isn’t calling them pimps and pimpettes needlessly disrespectful?  To answer that I have to go to Scripture.  What does God say about the men and women who fleece the flock, who devour them instead of feeding them?

 Jeremiah, in chapter 23, verses 1 and 2 rails against the  “shepherds that destroy and scatter his flock”.  When you consider what the false doctrines being presented by the people does to marriages, families, and faith, they are a set of men and women, not only to be exposed, but to be spoken against in the strongest of terms.

1 Timothy 6, verses 3 though 5 calls them depraved men.  Jesus calls them ravenous wolves (Matt 7:15).   In Acts 20:29-30 Paul refers to them as savage wolves

Should you pray for people like Creflo Dollar, Ken Copeland, and Joel Osteen?  Certainly, just like you should pray for the street pimp named BigMo and Brown Sugar, his prostitute.  Like the street pimp, the pulpit pimp is seeking money and power (1 Tim 6:5).  And just like the street pimp, the pulpit pimp is doomed to fail in finding the power or riches promised the average obedient Christian (Acts 1:8;  Romans 1:16; Ephesians 1:7).  Worse than that, the pulpit pimp, like Big Mo (if he dies in his sins) will open his eyes in hell, separated from the love of God forever.  But at least Big Mo had an idea of what was going to happen to him before he closed his eyes in death.