Archive for the ‘R. A. Vernon’ Category

You Know You’re Going In the Right Direction

July 11, 2014

Too much not enough

You know you’re going in the right direction when one of your sheeple  makes a comment on the site and references one of the very men on whom you have based your philosophy of ministry:  R. A. Vernon.

 By the way, did I tell you my vastly over priced webmaster is developing a web site just for me and my pimping ways?  It’s called “Pimping4Dummies.”  The tag line:  You see a flock – I see a new car.   You’ll be able to learn about pulpit pimping without have to read past those articles that actually include stuff from the Bible.  I’ll announce the unveiling in a couple of weeks.

Anyway, one of my sheeple wrote to tell me about R. A. Vernon, a pastor out of Cleveland.  I think this poor sheeple of mine thought I didn’t know about him.  I thanked him for his troubles, hung up the phone and went back to the streamed movie I was watching in my multi-million dollar man-cave.

What my sheeple didn’t know is that  R. A is the primary template I have been using to get to where I am.  I’m still using some of his ideas to up my income and my influence as an “anointed Mand of Gawd.”

Watch the video.  And pay close attention.  He views the “services” the same way I do.  It’s show time.  It’s theatre.  It’s a time of marketing and getting people excited about what I present as God.   It’s centered around him, not the congregation.  Amazingly, even when he’s not actually speaking, it’s about him.

And that is how it should be.  You can’t make a decent living if you’re worried about the spiritual (or financial, for that matter) well-being of the congregation.  They should never think it’s about them.  But again, watch the video.  It’s loaded with wisdom.

This dude, my hero, has done an outstanding job of self-promotion.  More importantly, he has convinced the crowd that the anointing is demonstrated by the size of the church, by the cut of his clothes, and by the speed and range of his aircraft.   Oh yes, he owns a really nice turbo-prop.  He even got a reality show episode of his daughter flying in it to her birthday party at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.  It was shown on MTV.  Think of it:  using a secular outlet to convince his sheeple he is rolling in the anointment because he’s rolling in dough.

Stand by.  I’ll be breaking the lessons down for you and give you the opportunity to make it big and learn to live large like me.  I’ll also be offering more or less free counseling when you feel maybe a twinge or so of guilt at the massive amounts of money you are making against the fact that some of the sheeple don’t even have heat in the winter.  I’ll help you resist the urge to share your blessings with them and inconvenience your first lady.  Because remember:  if First Lady ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.  And there is no house is big enough to make it better.  (Prov 21:9, 19)